A Household Name Is Like Ketchup. Everybody

If You Do Something And People Think You're Stupid, Just Go For Crazy. You Get More Respect That Way Because Nobody Likes Stupid People.

You Know The Only Thing Happier Than A Three-legged Dog? A Four-legged Dog.

I Was A Nerd Growing Up, And I'm A Little Antisocial And Awkward.

I Look Around, Pretty Much 100% Of The People Driving Are Texting. And They're Killing, Everybody's Murdering Each Other With Their Cars. But People Are Willing To Risk Taking A Life And Ruining Their Own Because They Don't Want To Be Alone For A Second Because It's So Hard.

I'm A Good Citizen. I'm A Good Father. I Recycle And I Masturbate.